Wooo buddy. What a year. A year full of loss and heartache but also full of so many brilliant moments of growth and togetherness. When I look back at the end of 2019 I look at all the goals I made for myself in 2020. How I would hike more and laugh more and feel more. How I would follow my gut and hug a lot of trees. And you know what, even with it being a crazy year, I did those things. Perhaps even more that I would have in a normal year. Losing my job I was forced to take risks and for the first time in my life I didn’t have a plan to follow. This year, I’ve had time to think about what I want out of the future. I bought a van and adopted the sweetest pupper. I moved. I discovered new crafts. I was forced to accept my privilege and learn about all the injustices in our country. I still hugged a lot of trees (even if they were smaller than the ones in California, they still felt just as grand). I saw the value of relationships (even if at times they seemed harder than ever this year). I felt a lot. Cried a lot. Cursed the universe a couple hundred times. But through it all, I’ve had so many break throughs and so much clarity. Clarity about the life I want and the path I want to take. I’ve learned a ton about patience and have had to go with the flow and trust in a way I have never been good at before.
When I look at this year, I look at it as my first full year of adulthood. My first full year out of school where the path I take is totally up to me (and perhaps a dash of luck). For my whole life before this, I have felt on pace with everyone else around me. Perhaps that is due to life through our early 20s being dictated by school. As such, everyone is doing similar things and achieving similar life goals through the end of college. But then you are thrown into the real world where everyone is doing things at different times and it’s hard not to feel as though you are going too slow or too fast or that you are doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. It’s hard not to feel pressure. But this year has shown me that there is no script for how you are supposed to live your life or order in which you are supposed to proceed (unless you want there to be). There is no right or wrong path, there is just your path. Your life can be what you want it to be if you have the drive and determination to stand on that scary edge and take the plunge and accept the risks. Because gosh even if you think you are being responsible and following a safe path, everything can blow up and that plan can become obsolete. So why not live your life how you want to, why wait for it to get blown up? Blow it up yourself.
So in 2021, I am looking forward to giving myself space to keep figuring out this crazy, wild, big thing we like to call adulthood. To being kind to myself and listening to what my mind, body and soul needs. To snuggling my pupper extra tight. To getting outdoors and exploring new areas in a VW van (dare-I-say). To moving more; to music, at yoga, on my bike, on the trail, in any way I can. To continuing to foster a community. To reading more, writing more, and telling the people I care about, how much I care about them more. To diving deeper into my spirituality and letting my intuition guide me. To finding ways to fight for the outdoors and combine my passion for creativity with my passion for the earth. To breathing deeper and being more free to whatever may come my way. Heck, I hope at the end of 2021 I am as surprised at where I am as I have been this year.
Here are some of my favorite moments from the wild, wild year:
1 doggo, 3 tattoos, 1 move across the country, 3 roommates, 1 VW van, 35 good shower cries, 5 contract jobs, 1 pandemic, 3 protests, 2 backpacking trips, 100s of hours of Spotify, 5 punch needle projects, 50 bike rides, 1 trip to Canada, 7 pizza nights, 1 plant sale, 5 yellow (ah) garden grown cucumbers, 1 lake trip, 15 finished pieces of pottery, 500k sent Tik Toks, 1 a-hole elected out (thank g), 3 new pairs of party pants, 800 zoom meetings, 1 lay-off, 20 propagated plants, 300 cups of Earl Grey tea and here we are, the end of the craziest year yet. Cheers to this next year being as unexpected as 2020.
xo Kait