When I look back on this year and reflect on the pictures below, I can’t help but feel so much gratitude and emotion towards the deepening of connections and life that has occurred. For a long time I felt aimless, always searching for the next adventure or next great story. And yet when I have slowed down and really listened and been with myself in my present life; whether it’s deepening connections, being with my love, finding new hobbies or just doing what feels right for me at the time, that is when I have felt the most whole and at peace. It’s as if finally there is nothing to run from and I want to be in my life just as it is. And this year felt like the first year I really just settled in and learned to appreciate the beauty in the stillness of life.
With that stillness came a lot of reflection within the slowness of just day to day life. And I really dove deeper into the idea of who I am and how I show up in the world. And I think while I do know a good amount about myself, there are still sides to me that I hide or don’t want to show to everyone. Parts of me I keep hidden to be the person I think people expect me to be. Or to not cause to much of a fuss or show up differently than I have before. But I have begun to find so much freedom in just showing up as how I feel. In expressing emotions as they bubble, instead of holding them in. In crying when I need to cry or being quiet when I need to be quiet or in taking space when I need to take space. In laughing loudly when I find something funny or just being true to who I am within. And while I still have a long way to go in accepting all the parts of me and discovering ones I try to hide even from myself, I am proud of the steps I have made to start to uncover them this year.
Part of what blew that up was being pregnant and all the vulnerability and beauty that comes along with that journey. It has been one of the most humbling, tiring, profound experiences of my life. And one that makes me feel so much love and joy in the feminine spirit and all that our bodies were made to do and create. Women literally create bones and organs and blood and souls. All while working and going about our normal lives as if everything is the same. It has been a journey of acceptance and asking for what I need and saying no when it feels like too much and just trusting in my body and spirit at any given moment. Something that has always been hard to me. It has been everything I would have expected and nothing I would have guessed at the same time. A lesson in truly listening to your body as a tiny being swells every part of it and takes up every available inch of not just your body but your mind. And to know this is just a teaser for motherhood that is to come, phew.
Being a Mom has been something I have dreamed of since I was little and how crazy that after years of dreaming and 8 months of being a vessel, I am but 5 weeks away from this new season of life. That I will be bringing into this life a little one. That I will get to share with him all the wonders, beauty, hardships and emotions of the world. And how beautiful it will be to see that through the eyes of a little. To get to bring my inner child to the forefront to experience true wonder again as he learns and grows and shapes his own little world. And to know that I get to be a small part of that exploration with a partner who is going to be the most incredible Dad and co-parent. What a journey we are about to begin. I can’t wait to reflect on it in a year and see all the learnings and discoveries that I never knew possible that come up. And to reflect through the tiredness and joy all the ways my life has changed because of this little being.
Overall, as a society and a world at large, this year has been full of lots of sorrow and pain. And through that I feel more grateful than ever for my little world and the spaces that I can reflect, feel and talk safely about the chaos of everything going on around us in. I truly believe that community and people are the healers of our world and that by leaning deeper into those we are able to have our own personal rebellions against the fear that shitty people try to inflict on us. So I feel so deeply proud of the connections in my life. Of the beautiful community that I have continued to invest in here in Colorado. If family and the depth within those relationships. And in my partnership with Ori. It can be hard to balance all the parts of life, but the connections are what truly make me feel a little less crazy in this wild wild world. And to know that hopefully everything will turn out ok in the end because the people in my life exist and believe and love and dream. And that in itself is such a thing of beauty.
So for this next year of life I hope to remain open, to the possibilities and unknowns of life. And to just take it day by day but to know that what I am building and where I am investing my time is so beautiful and rich. I hope to be so present with the little one in the early days of being a mother and give myself grace in learning myself in this new role. But I also hope to not lose myself and the things and parts of me that make me, well me. Cause I know that will just allow me show up even stronger for my family. I hope to find softness and stillness in our new mountain home and spend time surrounded my nature, the birds and the trees. I hope to fall deeper in love with Ori and this beautiful life we are building and to continue to invest in our relationship within the chaos of building a family. I hope to be kind to myself and my body as I navigate postpartum and to set the boundaries I need to keep peace within myself and my home. I hope to stand up for myself and keep leaning into all aspects of me and showing up authentically as how I feel, not how I feel I need to show up for others. I hope to keep creating, to keep dreaming and to keep becoming more and more authentic to who I truly am in 2026.
Here are some of my fav moments from 2025 (rambles continued after):
1 year married, 10 pints of ice-cream, 2 International adventures, 1 pregnancy, 2 hut trips, 1 sold van (omg), 1 gender reveal, 100s of hours of Spotify, 20 books, 50 cinnamon buns, 1 new mountain home, 1 10km race, 1 successful garden, 2 new nephews, 3 u-hauls, 5 dream facebook marketplace finds, 6 flights, 1 sewing machine, 3 quilts, 1 nursery and here we are at the end of another beautiful year. Cheers to next year being the most unexpected, expansive one yet.
xo
Kait