These past 3 weeks I got to spend in Thailand with my sister (Meghan) and cousin (Marina). We hiked through jungles, slept on rivers, rode scooters and took every possible form of transportation (tut-tuks, trains, planes, taxis, buses, smaller buses, ferries, you name it - we took it). I am so grateful to these two ladies for going through the last three weeks with me, they made everyday an adventure and full of so much laughter, exactly what I needed after graduating.
For me it was three weeks of traveling but also three weeks of trying to contemplate the fact that I actually graduated and am moving to SF. I thought that as I walked across the stage at graduation, I would feel a sense of completion, and know that this was the end of my life being split into 4 month increments. Yet as I said goodbye to people it felt as if I was saying goodbye to go away for another 4 month internship, not indefinitely.
I knew I would process slowly but it has taken over a month for it to actually sink in and to put it short, I am deeply emotional about leaving UC and the familiar sense of life being split up into 4 month increments. These past 5 years have changed my life. And I know everyone says that about college but man oh man do I mean it. Coming into University I had little to no self-confidence. I was unsure of who I was, what I wanted out of life and where I was going. I remember people telling me in my first year of school that they thought I had amazing confidence and I remember being so dumb-founded, wondering how in the hell they saw that when I felt the complete opposite inside. It took me the better part of 5 years to realize that I love who I am, that I love the bump in my nose and the softness in my curves and the way my laugh vibrates through a whole room. I love that there was so much to me that I didn’t know or didn’t quite understand yet (there still is), so many passions and dreams and loves that 5 years would help me discover. I learned that the outdoors are a safe place for me to explore who I am and discover the beauty of the natural world. That I find safety, excitement, and inspiration on the top of a mountain. That living new places every four months allowed me to trust myself and my intuition and gave me confidence as a creative and as a friend. That 5 years can bring so many late night chats, friendships, concerts, adventures, beer runs, hikes, GOT marathons, road trips, camping weekends, coast drives, internships and endless beautiful memories.
I read a quote yesterday that I think works perfectly with how the past 5 years have taught me to think about life. “If you obsess over whether or not you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another. The universive has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought feeling, and action that you experience.” UGH SUCH A GOOD QUOTE. Through University I always struggled with making the “right” decision, whether it came to internships or classes or friendships. But in truth every decision whether it has ended beautifully or awkwardly has taught me so much about myself and what I want. I think life gives us exactly what we need at the time we need it, whether it be a friend to teach us something, or an adventure or obstacle to overcome, they all continue to make us who we are and help us evolve and change to become a better us.
As I have said goodbye to friends as we all move different places around the country it has hit me how much these people have done for me. How much their love and support has inspired me and driven me. How them loving me for every bit of me has given me so much confidence and made me feel infinite. Their friendship created an atmosphere and a period of life where I was so unafraid to figure out who I am and what I love and just go for it and be completely myself. Whenever I was on co-op or study abroad, I always knew that I could come back to Cincinnati 4 months later and they would be there. Knowing we are all moving different places breaks my heart, but I know that knowing them for the past 5 years has changed me for the next 150. These humans taught me so much about true friendship, about laughter, and spontaneity, about adventure and about love. I owe them the world and my heart and can’t wait for reunions with them all over the country.
This next stage is the exiting of the 4 month life-style, of classes, of football games, of friends being a minute away and cheap beer. It is scary to think about making new friends and learning new streets, but I am so excited to start my job at Thumbtack and learn and grow as a creative and human. I can’t wait to explore new areas and parks, feel settled in a city, build new relationships, live in the accepting, beautiful place that is San Francisco, have more time to bike and hike and truly see who I am as a professional, working lady. I can’t wait to look back in 5 years and say wow you really had nothing to worry about. Life is a beautiful, messy, crazy journey and I am so excited for this next stage.
Here are some of my favorite moments from Thailand (musings continued after):
5 tuk tuks, 7 mango smoothies, 6 airplanes, 2 Thai massages, 3 long tail boats, 1 moldy pair of Birks, 10 mosquito bites, 30 malaria pills, 10 plates of friend rice, 1 cooking class, 2 national parks, 10 Thai iced teas, 100 temples, 3 huge spiders (like HUGE), 4 monkey spottings, 1 curvy ass mountain road, 6 hostels, 3 kayaks, 2 jungle hotels, 3 scooters, 1 scooter fall, 5 dumplings, 1 overnight bus, 3 new Thai instagram followers, 1 new Thai BFF and so many laughs and talks about the burgers we would eat once we got home home later. I am so thankful for my two comrades for going and exploring Thailand with me. Family is the best gift and these gals made the trip so much dang fun and our talks helped me process the end of an era and the beginning of something new. To Meg & Marina - I love you both so much.
Cheers - keleniak
#heckya